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In the face of this relentless information storm, this is no time for Christians to give up on reading. We need to equip ourselves to weather this information storm, and The Fellowship of Ailbe wants to help.
Wisdom in the honor and beauty of the Valiant Wife
Proverbs 31:28-31
28 Her children rise up and call her blessed;
Her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many daughters have done well,
But you excel them all.”
30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands,
And let her own works praise her in the gates.
“TOWANDA!” This one-word battlecry is a catchphrase from the movie “Fried Green Tomatoes.” The 1991 film is based on the 1987 book by southern author Fannie Flagg. The word plays a significant role throughout the story as a connection to the past, and two very different characters.
When I was a kid, Hollywood came to town. The little Georgia community where I lived, played little league baseball and rode the school bus suddenly became a magnet for feature films. Quiet country roads and small, one red-light towns became famous movie locations. Films such as “Driving Miss Daisy” made their way to the big screen after being shot on the backroads near my home.
One such film was “Fried Green Tomatoes.” I remember several old homes were renovated as principal locations. Paved streets were covered with dirt, and ’31 Model A Fords and ’38 Pontiac De Luxes cruised up and down past depression-era advertisements decorating barn walls. It was an American story that seemed to bring the present into the past in a way that related to millions of readers and moviegoers.
In “Fried Green Tomatoes” the story of Evelyn Couch, a modern, timid, overweight housewife in her 40s is interwoven with that of Imogen “Idgie” Threadgoode, a socially withdrawn tomboy in the 1920’s. As Evelyn is told the story of Idgie’s loyalty to her best friend, and bold stand to protect those in her care, she is inspired to make changes to improve her own life.
Idgie repeatedly shouts (or refers to herself as) “Towanda,” which she claims means “Amazon woman.” (“Towanda” could in reality be based on an Algonquin Indian word for "burial ground,” but let’s not burst Hollywood’s bubble.) As Idgie embraces feminism, so does Evelyn—despite her thoughtless, overweight husband Ed, who seems confused by his wife’s sudden efforts to transform herself.
In one humorous scene, Evelyn is frustrated by her slow progress, and Ed (who has not participated in any of her esteem-building projects) offers this helpful advice: “Honey, if those classes aren't doin' you any good, then don't go to ‘em.”
Movies and books like “Fried Green Tomatoes” tap into a societal need for personal validation and coping with the struggles of getting older. The self-esteem movement popularized in the 1970’s found full bloom in such stories as people, particularly women, dealt with changes in life.
The biblical description of the Valiant Wife of Proverbs 31 not only answers these heart desires, it points you to the One who offers true fulfillment and validation: Jesus Christ.
In this final section of Proverbs 31, Solomon describes the results of the lifetime of effort of the Valiant Wife. In the first section he tells you of her industry and stamina. In the second section, he talks of her “strength and splendor” as a woman and a partner in her husband’s success. Now, we see her coming into her own, as her children praise her, and her full-orbed beauty in mind, body, and soul shines:
28 Her children rise up and call her blessed…—Proverbs 31:28a
How sweet it is for a parent to hear hard-earned praise from their child. Is this not what every mother and father craves? How miserable it is to come home from a hard day and be immediately confronted with “what’s for dinner?” Not, “how can I help you,” or “how was your day,” but “I’m hungry!” Or for a father to hear a litany of family problems or inconveniences after a day of inconveniently solving problems at work.
To call this ideal wife and mother “blessed” means far more than a claim that she is a good person or as thanks for a good job. This is an acknowledgement that she is living wisely as God intended. All of her efforts have been for far more than keeping her family fed, clothed and happy, she has been a shepherdess through their lives to bring them into God’s wisdom. It is for this that they esteem her.
Do you crave attention or approval from your children? As a young parent, you may be tempted to indulge little ones in order to hear their laughter and prevent their tears. This can quickly turn into over-protective “helicopter parenting” that insulates and spoils the child.
Even praise or attention from older children can become a never-ending quest. They can treat you merely as a source of money or be resentful about how they were raised. Astronomically busy schedules forced on a modern parent can cause them never to visit, or to complain when they are forced to travel.
We turn our children into idols when we rely their approval or attention. Here, in the image of the Valiant Wife, God is reminding you that all that really matters is seeking to walk in the way of His wisdom. He reveals more to you:
Her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many daughters have done well,
But you excel them all.”–Proverbs 31:28b-29
In this passage, the husband of the Valiant Wife acknowledges her wise and godly living and openly praises her for all to hear. Some spouses are shy when it comes to praise from the other—especially in public. Sometimes praise may be a tactic used as a prelude to a demand for intimacy or special favors, but more often than not it is a neglected part of marriage relationships.
Husbands, do you praise your wife for all that she does and has done for you and your family? Like the old comic “Frank and Ernest" says: “Fred Astaire was great, but don’t forget that Ginger Rogers did everything he did...backwards and in high heels.” It is very likely that every step of your own success or life achievements has been aided by your patient, hardworking wife.
Husbands are often reluctant to offer praise and thanks to their wives. In some cases, it is a matter of “emotional constipation” or some such modern description. Men often work without thought of praise from a boss, a client, or a demanding world. Indeed, a world bereft of Christ's love can seem a desert of kindness.
This can make husbands insensitive to the needs of wives to hear compliments or be shown appreciation. Hints such as, “Don’t you like my cooking, honey?” are clumsily answered with “well, I ate it didn’t I?” (Then he is surprised to be served cold leftovers for tomorrow’s supper.)
We as believers are called to compliment and exhort each other. The apostle Paul is clear on this in his instructions to Roman Christians:
6 Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, let us use them… 8 he who exhorts, in exhortation; he who gives, with liberality; he who leads, with diligence; he who shows mercy, with cheerfulness.–Romans 12:6a,8
When you think of how much Christ has blessed you, you should not hesitate to turn and then bestow it upon others—for He is the gift that is mean to be shared! Do you spend time expressing your appreciation for your spouse? Is more creative energy devoted to crafting put-downs on social media, or the merits of a ball team than thanking the one who has been there for you every day of your marriage?
There are bosses or managers who are known never to offer praise or incentive to people for “simply doing their job.” Effective leaders know that sincere praise can lead to greater production and contented employees. How much more valuable is a timely compliment or word of gratitude to a wife or husband—or public expression for all to hear? Your wife is beautiful to you, and your praise can make her beautiful to others:
30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.–Proverbs 31:30
This is an oft-misunderstood passage. It has been used to justify plainness or to discourage a woman from adorning herself with makeup, jewelry or nice clothes to enhance her beauty and personal happiness. This verse can also be taken as justification for not looking after ones health or making an effort to be presentable to the desires of a spouse or cultural expectations.
While it is true that this proverb—as does all of scripture—places more value on inward rather than outward beauty, it is very clear that the two are deeply connected. Instead of an admonishment against lipstick or visits to the beauty salon, this is a call to remember the beauty that comes from a life well-lived.
Physical beauty is deceptive because it promises more than it can deliver. We place subconscious value on outward beauty, and can miss true beauty that remains unseen. In the dating scene and the modern age of “swiping right,” superficial outward beauty often outshines the spiritual beauty of a heart that is devoted to Christ.
A godly woman presents herself as God has made her, and has filled her with His spirit. A man should look beyond eyelashes and style to see other things. The Valiant Wife’s courage, humility, strength, joy, confidence, and personal devotion to her Savior will shine through all other attributes.
Men, you also have a spiritual duty when loving your wives and appreciating her inward and outward beauty, for you are to love them as Christ has loved you—and as He loves His church:
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.–Ephesians 5:25-27
Do you love your Valiant Wife sacrificially? It is easy to say, “I would die for you,” like in some love song, but can you die to your sinful habits in order to protect or encourage your wife and family? Does she drag you to church—or do you lead her there to worship together, and model a life of devotion on your own?
If you wish to have a Valiant Wife like the “Proverbs 31 woman,” you must be a “Proverbs 1-30 man.”
In a climactic scene of “Fried Green Tomatoes,” Evelyn Couch patiently waits for a parking space at Winn-Dixie, only to see it taken from her by two young women in a sporty red car. When the frustrated Evelyn complains to them, they offer insults and walk away: “Face it, lady, we’re younger and faster!”
Evelyn snaps. With a shout of “TOWANDA!” she crashes her car repeatedly into the little convertible. Then, to the stunned young women, Evelyn quips: “Face it, girls. I'm older, and I have more insurance.”
While this gets laughs in a theatre and can be appreciated as a catharsis for the downtrodden, it is unnecessary for the Valiant Wife. For she is confident in her calling, her raising of her children, her husband’s satisfaction—and her Savior’s eternal love.
The Monday—Friday DEEPs are written by Mike Slay and this Saturday Deep is written by Matt Richardson. To subscribe to all the DEEPs click here:
https://www.ailbe.org/resources/community
The weekly study guides, which include the Monday–Friday devotionals plus related questions for discussion or meditation, are available for download here:
https://www.ailbe.org/resources/itemlist/category/91-deep-studies
Except as indicated, Scripture taken from the New King James Version. © Copyright 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved. ESV stands for the English Standard Version. © Copyright 2001 by Crossway. Used by permission. All rights reserved. NIV stands for The Holy Bible, New International Version®. © Copyright 1973 by International Bible Society. Used by permission. All rights reserved. KJV stands for the King James Version.
In the face of this relentless information storm, this is no time for Christians to give up on reading. We need to equip ourselves to weather this information storm, and The Fellowship of Ailbe wants to help.